Have you ever had these feelings that you like something/someone a lot? And then you want to know more about that/them? And then once you keep getting closer to it/him/her, that thing/he/she becomes complicated? I am not pointing out in a contradictory way such as, I am not saying by knowing in depth you create hatred. Instead, I am trying to say how your likeable object or subject could be so complicated that you ask yourself that it would have been nice if I would like it/them the way before (before the deep part!)
Let me give two examples, both from personal experiences. The first example would be related to humans. I would explain that ‘complex’ feelings through an encounter with humans in our daily lives. And the second example would be related to building. Because of my profession, I study architectural building in a very scrutinised way. Recent events of analysing one of my favourite buildings have actually made me realise that complicated feelings. Not to mention again, I feel deeply for buildings more than humans.
The first one, with humans, is the one majority of the readers will engage with. So, does it happen to you that you tend to like a stranger in a workplace or in an institution? I am not indicating stalking. I am indicating to a first impression that when you see someone and you kind of feel like connecting with them. Maybe to have a conversation, to see how it goes? If you click as friends or maybe more? Sometimes, it is super direct, people just reach out to each other and they are just together. Unfortunately, in my case, I really feel that I could un-know some people. Is that even a word?
Continuing, you initially make a connection with someone. And days after days, months after months and years after years you establish this friendship/relationship which is valuable to you and you want this person to be in your life forever. Eventually an indirect situation of ‘taken for granted’ happens and you suddenly start to see how the actual person is. He/she calls you just when they’re free. They never ask you how you feel. They are never bothered about your existence. Then suddenly they are so cuddly and want to be with you and Boom! Next day again, VANISH!!
I looked it up on the internet, this confusing act is known as an act of either narcissistic, selfish or toxic people. But all the time you invested knowing this person, there is some likeness. This is where the other person starts to feel confounded and anxious. It’s one of those moments where you do not understand whether you should leave them or stay with them. This complexity raises only because you provided so much ‘likeness’ to this person in the beginning. So whoever is reading this, please balance your feelings and never let anybody make you feel that way.
The second one is related to a recent realisation I am having with my PhD studies. I am in my climax chapter of analysing this cool building which I used to like since I was in my first year of undergrad architecture (almost 13 years ago). I have to analyse this building with political aspects and examine the functions in and out in order to establish a connection between the two. This building is the National Parliament Building of Bangladesh. There were days I would just pass the building with my car and my heart will fill with surprise that how an architect could design such a masterpiece!
I have been meticulously studying this building for the last two months, and the deeper I go about the conceptual development and the ideas behind designing it, I am more confounded. Now, these confounded feelings are not like hatred again. It is about the more I learn the complexity of the structure the more I feel like criticise it. The criticism again is not about anything negative, but about how an architect’s personal choices became a landmark for an entire country.
The feeling between a human and a building right now comes with the same definition for me. I do not hate the object or subject. Rather I am extremely confused that how a living and non-living thing can act in the same way in your day to day life. Then again rational actions towards these complex feelings can be helpful. Rationality will certainly act as a mediator in order to bring you back to practical life.
Essays, Thoughts and Writings by Mohona Reza 